It is not enough to conquer; one must know how to seduce.
– Voltaire

Men make love more intensely at twenty, but make love better, however, at thirty.
– Catherine II of Russia

Anybody who believes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach flunked geography.
– Robert Byrne, quoted in 1,911 Best Things Anybody Ever Said, 1988

If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
– George Carlin

As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, “Relax… you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients,” but another kept reminding me, “Howard, you are a veterinarian.”
– Dick Wilson

I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.
– J. Edgar Hoover

Love is the answer; but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
– Woody Allen

Condoms aren’t completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.
~Bob Rubin

Don’t knock masturbation - it’s sex with someone I love.
~Woody Allen

Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you’re going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love.
~Butch Hancock

Sex without love is an empty experience. But, as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best.
~Woody Allen

Desire is in men a hunger, in women only an appetite.
~Mignon McLaughlin

Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
~Author Unknown

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man.
~Mignon McLaughlin

Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.
~Author Unknown

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
~P.J. O’Rourke