Well there hasn’t been much new to report here over the last month. Many of the entrepreneurial ideas I’ve been trying to implement have been falling through, including my RV idea. I picked up some new e-books and really considered going back into some sort of short-term retail business on eBay. But every time I research something, it seems to fall through.

And I’m almost completely out of capital.

The real irony is that I continue to play blackjack and make thousands of dollars using play money. I’d like to do something short-term to at least work up enough savings so that I can get back into playing professionally. I was just getting good at it and becoming successful with the Cipher program when my reserves got too low to risk anything.

And it seems that every year at this time my life seems to go south. Looking back over the last six years, it seems that every year some terrible catastrophe always happens sometime between October and December. During these periods, I have had business problems, including customer fraud and the loss of my business’s merchant account. And I have lost two homes in the last four years, all before Christmas.

The only equity I have left right now is the car. The obvious problem here is that by selling the car I will have nothing to drive. Perhaps it is time to cut my losses and leave the U.S. for good.

I know one thing that cannot continue is my state of mind. Every day, I struggle with feelings of depression and hopelessness. What’s worse is that these feelings have sapped away any energy and vitality that I might have to fight my way back. I have fallen into the old cycle of procrastination and despair.

I spend much of my time now just reading blogs and surfing the web. It’s like I’m still trying to find that next great idea that will pull the nose up on this plane one more time.

There have been periods here that I have not even been updating this blog regularly. I try to make at least one post every weekday, but for the last three weeks I haven’t much felt like writing anything.

In the past, the New Year has brought renewed hope and some clever idea out of the blue. I hope that’s the case now in 2007. And I hope that this time I can maintain enough momentum to pull the nose up on this plane for good and soar ahead into a brighter future. (Could that possibly have sounded any more gay?)

Not to sound too needy, but if there’s anyone out there now still reading this, a few comments would surely help. I’m not usually this whiny, but I figure my server stats say there are about 30,000 of you visiting every week - mostly checking out Becky the Prank Caller. So how’s about throwing a little love my way?

Man, what the hell has become of my life..?